Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Real or satire*? GOP announces an end to the strategy of marginalizing people. Plans to focus on jobs, balancing the budget and ending un-winnable wars instead.

For many years Republicans have won elections by demonizing different groups of people in the American melting pot. Most infamously, this started with the “Southern Strategy” in the Nixon years and was continued by Reagan’s racist caricature of welfare queens in the 80s. Before the ever popular homosexual lifestyle became popular, George W. Bush won the Presidential Election in 2004 (for the first time!) by espousing the Federal Marriage Amendment, whereby the denial of marriage rights to gays and lesbians would be enshrined in the Constitution if it had passed. Even recently, Republicans have been known to fire up its base by characterizing Muslims and illegal immigrants as enemy terrorists. 

However, all of that has changed following the utterly shocking announcement that former RNC Chairman, and strident anti-gay activist, Ken Mehlman, was really just a self-loathing closet case!  Mehlman’s revelation rocked the very foundation of the GOP establishment, with current RNC Chairman Micheal Steele remarking, “Well there goes that strategy of blaming everything on the gays! Shit, now we actually have to find a way to provide real leadership to this country. ”

Steele went on further to say “So, ok. This is going to be hard, but let’s focus on creating jobs, balancing the budget and ending un-winnable wars.” When asked how he planned to end the twin quagmires of Iraq and Afghanistan he declared, “ Simple. Withdraw all of our troops and send young Republicans to Iraq, send old Republicans to Afghanistan. Hell, the old ones are going to die soon anyway.” -TJ

*Satire - Old Republicans will probably die comfortably of old age here in America. The young Republicans will probably go on to top Ken Mehlman, making him not only a huge hypocrite, but also a big ol' bottom.