Sunday, July 24, 2011

Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore to Marry in NYC

Gay Marriage in NYC Begins Today
Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore stood in line with 823 other gay couples to exchange vows of matrimony in lower Manhattan this morning, much to the surprise of gay marriage supporters, and opponents alike.

"I fucking give up"
Upon hearing the news of the fictional character's planned nuptials, Maggie Gallagher of the National Organization for Marriage broke out in tears and shouted, "The Gays won! I fucking give up! The Institution of Marriage is dead as hell!" 

While Ms. Gallagher would not give any official statements to the press, she could be heard mumbling between fistfuls of Valium and street vendor hot dogs, "I based my life and career on making gay people feel less than human, and what do I have to show it? Harry Fucking Potter getting gay married?! Life as we know it has ended!"

While the rest of the Potter-Dumbledore family were not in attendance for their legal marriage ceremony, their publicist did acknowledge the couple would be holding a tasteful collaring ceremony in the privacy of their home, thereby solemnizing their BDSM relationship, in addition their legal marriage. While neither partner would admit which one would be receiving the collar, Dumbledore did suggestively wave his wand and proclaim "Alternative Wizard Lifestyles, 1,  Moral Fiber of America, 0!" -TJ